myresponsibility | 050

Honestly, I don't see what everyone's complaining about. Was I the only one who wanted to go to space camp as a kid?

[Don't listen to him, he's being a shit and he knows it. See, look at this dumb little smirk he's flashing the camera from his perch on the ceiling of his room.]

If anyone needs help getting their hands on stuff, let me know. Nice to know being able to climb walls might come in handy here after all. [The smirk flashes a little wider, looks less teasing.

... Except then it fades, because there was a serious reason to turn on his comm and address the Barge at large today. Something he's been sitting on for a while, and it's clear from the muddled expression and tightly pressed together lips that Peter's still not sure if this is something he really wants to talk about.]

You ever get the feeling that us - the wardens - being here is kind of... selfish? I mean, you wind up caring about your inmate once you get assigned and get to know them, but at first? A lot of us aren't here just because we wanna help people. We could do that at home.

I don't know. I'm not trying to like, start some debate that's gonna get everyone turning this into a scene from The Hunger Games, but-

[He runs a hand through his hair, obviously frustrated, and he can't quite seem to look at the camera as he continues.

(He's suddenly very glad Andrew isn't around anymore, even if it sucks, even if he never deserved Peter's reaction to him. Andrew hadn't gotten Gwen killed.)]

There's this guy back home, who I should've done more for. And I can fix it now, but I don't think I'm doing it for the right reasons. I still care about him, kind of, but after what happened? I don't know.

[Peter chews at his lip for a moment and then looks back at the camera for a moment, but hey, that spot on the wall over there off screen is really, really interesting, okay? Okay.]

It's hard, wanting to help someone who did something like that. Hurt you really badly. I guess I kind of feel like a jerk for not wanting to help him just because I screwed up before.

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[ there's kind of, you know, a lot going on here. in this one message. and Gwen isn't sure she should really try to say anything, not when her opinions on all of it are so skewed, and not just in a biased way. it's just different. she has the point of view that nobody should ever really have. so voicing it seems a little weird. but! ]

Do you really feel like you screwed up? I mean, what was the alternative? Saying yes?

[ it could be a hard-hitting series of questions, but her voice is quiet, almost like she's.. not talking to him over a public network. oh well.

[Simon checks the filter, then raises a brow, though his expression otherwise is all stillness and calm and thinly-veiled disdain.]

A warden looking for reassurance from the very same inmates he's talking about exploiting?

[Ivy looks like she's secured herself to a flat surface somehow - hard to tell how given how she's framed - but her hair is floating around her head in a fluid red halo.]

Out of interest, are you expecting much other than being attacked by embittered Inmates over this?

[Not featured: an actual attack from an embittered Inmate.]

[Contemplatively]

Is there a difference between mercenary and selfish?

Everyone wants something, dude. I mean it's not-- Wanting to help because you screwed up, that's not a bad thing, you know?

[Katniss stops listening when he says the words. It feels like she's been punched. No one in this place really recognized her so far. And all of the sudden, not only is he talking about the Games, he's talking about it like he's watched them.

Her jaw is tight and she's suddenly breathing faster as she reaches for the device to answer him.]

Who are you? [He doesn't look familiar, but she doesn't know all the assholes from the Capitol who watched the Games for fun.]

It's not like....people aren't just...ul....altruistic, or....

[Usually, Scott would be secure in this. He would tell Peter this doesn't make him a jerk, it makes him Human. He'd point out that being willing to help him at all isn't a character flaw.

But doubt is weighing on him, and he doesn't feel secure in anything (especially SAT words).]

I dunno. You're a good person.

[This feels like the sort of conversation they should be having in person, but maybe the distance helps. It feels less like he has to look her in the eyes while he keeps talking, and that makes it easier.]

I could've done something more. I should have. I didn't realize how crazy he was getting, and I guess I just- [He shrugs haplessly.]

I didn't know it was that bad, I guess.

I'm not looking for anything, man.

[The smirk flickers back into place, but it fades again, pretty quickly.]

Not really, no. Been here for a while. [It's a half joke, because he knows how people work, but... it's kind of depressing, too. Maybe he's even looking for people to tell him he fucked up real bad.]

I don't know. Is that what you think we are?

I guess. [He doesn't sound all that convinced, though. Everything just feels kind of heavy and miserable.]

I should've tried to do more when I had a chance.

Mercenaries do a job because they are paid. That's what you described.

I don't see why that's bad, if it's a job that needs doing and it gets done well.

Peter Parker?

I believe that what you do matters more than why.

[Not that why doesn't matter - but.]

It's very hard.

[The name means nothing to her, so she goes on, voice raising.]

Why didn't you say something when I got here? [She's angry. But he has to know who she is.]

You're from the Capitol.

[Usually, Scott's words would be reassuring, but there's still something nagging at him, some idea that he's screwed up and Scott's just trying to ease the reality of that. Which is nice, but...]

Thanks, man. You, too.

[He still can't get over what you're willing to do for him. For them. He's never had something like that before - maybe he doesn't deserve it.]

Yeah. Yeah, it is.

I don't know what to do.

I guess. Does it bother you? That your wardens were just here for their deals at first? Or might have been, anyway, I guess I don't know...

Um, I'm from New York City? Last time I checked, the capital's Albany.

[He's lying. He has to be. He's just afraid of her now.]

Then how did you watch The Games?

[And while Peter despairs, all Scott can think is that he's failing his friend. Gwen's life should be safe by now, she should be ready to go home, they both should be able to leave at any time, but they can't because...Because he can't do what he promised to do. Maybe he'll never be able to give them that.

Scott nods, even though the action feels hollow.]

You um. You deserved a better friend than him, anyway.

No.

[Partly because she's still a little too self-absorbed to consider other people's motives without prompting; partly because she took each of them on their own terms, once they had a chance to know each other. David cared, in his way, because of the parallels that made them strange kindred, a bond she could understand and was grateful for. She realizes that she doesn't actually know what drives Mal, and it never occurred to her to care, because Mal has been hers since Mira killed her.

She thinks it's odd, the way Peter phrases things, the questions he chooses to ask, and tilts her head with a sort of avian curiosity.]

Do you usually expect strangers to care about your welfare?

Edited 2015-03-18 03:46 (UTC)

[Between all this floating around and the kid's rambling navel-gazing, Lloyd sounds just a little bit impatient when he answers.]

I think you're thinkin' too much about it. If I got offered a deal I'd jump on it.

What's it matter what you're doing it for, as long as you're honest about it?

I don't think you're required to help the people who've hurt you. Restrain yourself from vindictively orchestrating their suffering, yes. Save, usually no.

But it clearly matters to you. So do the kind thing, and maybe the way you feel about it will catch up.

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