022 | VIDEO/TEXT

[myresponsibility]

[Peter clicks on his feed and holds up his ugly Christmas sweater. Let's just say it's very... bright. And is - appropriately - Spider-Man red and blue, which is. Fun.]

So, does anyone actually want to wear these? Or like, I don't know, use it for parts or something? [Anya, you like to knit right?] It's too bad there's not like, a universe that actually wants this stuff we could like, donate them to or something.

Unless that is someone's universe? Anyone? Anyone? ... Bueller?

[Private to the Admiral]

So, for James, can you get a grumpy cat plushie? I have no idea if he'll get it or not, but let's be serious, that's pretty much him if he was a cat. Or like, any animal. (But also maybe get him something serious, like, some new training equipment for the CTS and stuff.)

Get Scott all three original Star Wars movies on Blu-Ray and a Han Solo action figure. Actually, I'd say get Alex the Blu-Rays too, but I'm pretty sure he'll need a compatible TV and a Blu-Ray player? So maybe toss that in too, if that's cool.

Snow needs some cool new armor and stuff. Actually, if there's something she could get for like, blending in if stuff ever goes wrong in a not-really-medieval port or something, that would be awesome. I'd say same thing for Arya, but I feel like she'd kick me or something for saying she's not already totally capable of kicking anyone's ass in any port, so maybe just get her something she's missing from home and something tasty for Nymeria. That should be good.

I didn't really realize Chris would be the hard one to shop for? Well, "shop" I guess. Are there any movies he's missed out on that he'd want to watch? Or like, TV shows? And a pizza from back home. Anya should get some equipment for a cool new project, and Polly might want a Earth-to-wherever she's from dictionary, plus something she's missing from back home.

Dr. Banner totally needs a stress relief ball. Maybe one shaped like the Barge, or like, the Titanic or something. Not that that's an invitation to try and recreate that whole thing, I'm really not on board for freezing to death or drowning because you crashed into a space asteroid. Get Dean one too, and something else they're missing from back home.

Aside from a total attitude readjustment, maybe get Mindy something to show her that people back home need her? Not like, something that's going to make her depressed or anything, just, I don't know. She's like, fifteen, she shouldn't be this cool with being dead and not being able to help people anymore, you know? I mean, I guess you do, otherwise she wouldn't be here... And Ellie totally needs somewhere safe to stash her journal, like, an actual safe, maybe. I don't know anything about sheep but uh, if the sheep needs anything, toss that in too. Maybe get something to help Kara keep her identity secret and stuff, too.

And get Nathan a coffeemaker and Kelsier a trampoline. They seem like they'd appreciate it.

Thanks.

Comments

[silvestris]

They could come in handy if the Admiral decides to shut off the heat again. But I don't know... [Grimacing at her own] I'd almost rather freeze to death.

[myresponsibility]

Yeah, I've got about a dozen things I can layer up with before I resort to this.

[velocette]

Yeah, mine's not so bad, I guess. It lights up. I mean a scalloped neck's a little fruity, but everyone here seems pretty chill with that.

[His really isn't so bad. It would get him shot or stabbed back home, sure, but like he said: people here are laid back.]

[myresponsibility]

But like, why would anyone ever go "hey you know what's gonna sell? a light up Christmas sweater"?

[routemistress]

[Iris is wearing this much too large sweater as a belted minidress, accessorised with red suede boots trimmed with white fur and seamed fishnet stockings.]

I like 'em. They're traditional.

[myresponsibility]

Well, you can have mine. Totally not my style.

[neuropathy]

Kind of a staple back home.

[ He's badly hiding a smile, and while not wearing one of ...those particular sartorial delights, is definitely enwrapped in something from L.L Bean's back catalog. Half a shrug follows. ]

Maine winters. Y'get used to it.

[ Not that he feels the cold anymore, but he can still get frostbite and hypothermia and all those good things. ]

[myresponsibility]

Yeah but like, there are a billion other sweaters you can wear before you resort to this. [It's pretty horrible Nathan, come on man.]

[mistconduct]

Wear it, Pete. Wear the fuck out of it.

It's gonna be your full time job employee badge someday.

[myresponsibility]

To what job?

[mistconduct]

Your sexy, steamy news reporter job. You get to write an advice column for the Bugle all about lonely middle-aged housewives.

Trust me on this.

[myresponsibility]

Man, someone should just shoot me now, I'd suck at that.

[mistconduct]

No, you're great. You mend J. Jonah Jameson's marriage and he's so grateful he gives you a mustache transplant. It was the defining story of my generation.

[myresponsibility]

Who?

[mistconduct]

Editor of the Bugle. Soon-to-be-boss. With a killer mustache.

[myresponsibility]

I'm pretty sure me pulling off a mustache is something that's like, never gonna happen in any universe, ever.

[mistconduct]

Pete, if you want your villains to take you seriously as a threat, grow a mustache. You're a man now. You could make your universe the Mustache one.

[myresponsibility]

Wouldn't that make mine the evil universe?

[mistconduct]

No. You're thinking of goatees.

[myresponsibility]

Right, of course.

[mistconduct]

And don't let the fact that I have one fool you. That's just to throw people off and it's a hold-over from when I was a villain and couldn't actually grow one.

But having a mustache would give you an edge over your villains because most of them don't have one.

[myresponsibility]

And they'll what, run away in terror? Plus, you know, my mask kinda covers my whole face.

[mistconduct]

Pete, a mustache is an internalized thing. Even if they can't see it, they'll know you mean business.


Plus you could maybe cut out a hole near your top lip to let it stick out.

[myresponsibility]

Yeah, you are never designing me a costume. Ever.

[mistconduct]

What?! I'm the motherfucking BEST at costumes! I designed both of mine! They're the shit!

[myresponsibility]

Not if they have mustache holes.

[mistconduct]

Well mine just had the bottom half cut out so you could see the goatee. Still counts.

[myresponsibility]

Oh my god. How are we friends.

[mistconduct]

Because you love both me and my incredible sense of fashion.

[myresponsibility]

Love's a strong word.

[mistconduct]

Say it.

[myresponsibility]

Does it have to include fashion sense?

[mistconduct]

When you love me, you get to love ALL of me. That includes the costume.

[myresponsibility]

Then I hate to break it to you...

[mistconduct]

You're seriously breaking up with me? Over the costume?