044 | VIDEO

[myresponsibility]

So, You Just Found Out You're Fictional: A PSA by Peter Parker, your friendly neighborhood... you know.

[Peter's grin is a little cocky, not that you can see it behind the mask. The voice communicates it pretty clearly, though. He's in his room, just coming back from the gym apparently, and has been thinking about this back in port, so here we go.]

First of all, [He holds up a finger, keeping count.] Don't panic. The Barge makes it pretty clear there's like, infinite universes out there, so some of us being fictional? So not the weirdest possible thing that's ever happened. Or will ever happen.

(Anyone else remember that time we thought we were our Halloween costumes? I do.)

Second, [He holds up a second finger. See, point number two, we've got this.] This doesn't mean everyone knows everything about you. I've known Chris for like, two years, and he's been reading about me since he was like, four apparently, and he still says stuff I don't understand.

I mean, about me. There are lots of things Chris says I don't understand. [He's kidding! Mostly. Chris you're a pal but you're weird and will always be weird. Not that Peter's really judging? He's weird too.]

Infinite universes, infinite reboots and spinoffs, I guess. Or just like, horribly inaccurate "George Washington can't tell lies" stuff, I guess.

And last, and most important: [Now he actually sounds a little serious, and he lowers his hand instead of bringing the count up to three.] You being in a comic book or a movie or whatever doesn't mean your life's any less real or important or whatever. I mean, think about it, they don't write books or make TV shows about people who didn't do anything, right? Sure, it's a little creepy, but kind of flattering, too? Maybe?

You go, allegedly fictional Barge people.

Also, quick sidenote, you might want to check out my other PSA "So, You Just Found Out Your Warden is Your Childhood Hero", where I remind everyone that bringing up horrible things that happened to your favorite teenage wizards or Jedis like this is some fun party is a really crummy thing to do, and it means you're kind of the worst.

Remember, we're people too. If you don't want to talk about your recently deceased pet gerbil, we probably don't want to talk about ours, either.

[Private to Dash]

Hey, so, I'm Peter. You need anything during the month, let me know and I'll figure out a way to make it happen.

... Within reason, I'm not like, going to be your hitman.

How are you settling in? You've been here what, two-ish months?

Comments

[fireincarnate]

[Jean's grin is warmly amused.] All true.

I'd also say to try and - resist any temptations to read about yourself, in certain ports. It'll just be weird.

[routemistress]

Really? I wrote most of me own novelisations under pen names.

[myresponsibility]

I'm pretty sure that's not the normal experience people've got going here, man.

[routemistress]

You should try it. Mind you, it does get me accused of Mary Suing on all the fan forums. And that's me toning it down!

[myresponsibility]

Stay away from gritty reboots, too.

[fireincarnate]

[Such a grimace.] Oh, tell me about it. I picked up one where Charles was dead, Scott was evil, and I had face tattoos.

[myresponsibility]

Oh god, why?

[tricksandmischief]

You know Chris?

As for being fictional... There are many tales written about myself that are blatantly not true. But false rumours will always spread the quickest.

[He doesn't yet know about any movies or even the comics, but he does know something of the Norse mythology and those stories told about him.]

[myresponsibility]

I've been here for like, two years, yeah, I know Chris. It's a small ship.

People figure it out pretty quick, man. Don't worry about it.

[tricksandmischief]

He is my warden.

I am Loki.

[And he doesn't know you, Spider-Man.]

[semifreakingnormal]

Wait, you're fictional?

[The need to find the original Teen Wolf movie asap.]

[myresponsibility]

Don't act like I haven't seen your stack of comic books, McCall.

[semifreakingnormal]

Hey, those are collectors items.

[punched_hitler]

It's definitely a little easier to handle when most of the "fictional" versions of you just sound ridiculous.

[Because what no his life isn't ridiculous.]

[myresponsibility]

Why, what'd you find out?

[punched_hitler]

Apparently in some places, Bucky's just a kid even though he's still working for the Army as my, uh, sidekick.

[Which, yes, is just ridiculous!]

[to_dust]

Also to note, just because you saw a large toothy person in a scarf pushing them around, real Daleks are not made of chickenwire and they will shoot you. Likewise for other 'fictional' villains, thank you.

And other conversations I never imagined I'd have to have, even though he is gone now.

[myresponsibility]

Seriously?

[to_dust]

[With his irritating gift for mimicry, C'rizz puts on the mildly stoned squint and a decent approximation of the accent of the departed Gary King:]

Nah, mate, they're from a kid's show. Can't be worried about things from a kid's show. Just going to lean against this one here for a smoke. Who's got a sense of self preservation, not me.

[lydiascreams]

Any tips on how to figure out if you're fictional somewhere? [She's mostly just glad to see Peter sounding more like himself again. Maybe she won't have to force him into going to the next big event.]

[myresponsibility]

[He really is doing better, somehow. So you absolutely might get lucky. c8]

Not... really? [He is seriously considering the question though, because it's sort of an interesting idea.] I mean, I guess the library might help, but I only found out because people recognized my name. And, you know, the spider-powers thing.

[lydiascreams]

[Good, because she might need his help dragging Scott this time around.]

Yeah I looked around there, but I didn't find anything. I guess you're just more popular than the rest of us? Even I knew who you were. [She's absolutely teasing you, Peter.]

Private

[sneakykidwiththehair]

Heh, did I really just listen to Spiderman giving an inspiring speech about how we shouldn't feel bad, because even those of us who are definitely jacked from trashy pulp comics and b-movies, still have very real and emotional feelings, deep down in our totally factual hearts?

And yeah. Three months total and I'm doing fine. Thanks for asking.

Private

[myresponsibility]

Yep, you did. I'm glad it inspired you. [Spoilers: he knows it didn't, but Peter likes being a little shit sometimes. Most of the time.] Got anything from back home you're missing I could bug the Admiral to get for you?

Private

[sneakykidwiththehair]

[Dash doesn't answer for a moment, just stares ponderously at you, Spiderman.]

Inmates here have files on them, right? You don't have one on me, do you?

[It's a sincere question. They are temporarily paired, so Peter might have a file on him, but on the other hand... If Peter knew that he'd spent the entirety of his living memory squatting in a haunted mill and dumpster diving, why bother to ask if there was anything back home that Dash needed?]