050 | VIDEO

[myresponsibility]

Honestly, I don't see what everyone's complaining about. Was I the only one who wanted to go to space camp as a kid?

[Don't listen to him, he's being a shit and he knows it. See, look at this dumb little smirk he's flashing the camera from his perch on the ceiling of his room.]

If anyone needs help getting their hands on stuff, let me know. Nice to know being able to climb walls might come in handy here after all. [The smirk flashes a little wider, looks less teasing.

... Except then it fades, because there was a serious reason to turn on his comm and address the Barge at large today. Something he's been sitting on for a while, and it's clear from the muddled expression and tightly pressed together lips that Peter's still not sure if this is something he really wants to talk about.]

You ever get the feeling that us - the wardens - being here is kind of... selfish? I mean, you wind up caring about your inmate once you get assigned and get to know them, but at first? A lot of us aren't here just because we wanna help people. We could do that at home.

I don't know. I'm not trying to like, start some debate that's gonna get everyone turning this into a scene from The Hunger Games, but-

[He runs a hand through his hair, obviously frustrated, and he can't quite seem to look at the camera as he continues.

(He's suddenly very glad Andrew isn't around anymore, even if it sucks, even if he never deserved Peter's reaction to him. Andrew hadn't gotten Gwen killed.)]

There's this guy back home, who I should've done more for. And I can fix it now, but I don't think I'm doing it for the right reasons. I still care about him, kind of, but after what happened? I don't know.

[Peter chews at his lip for a moment and then looks back at the camera for a moment, but hey, that spot on the wall over there off screen is really, really interesting, okay? Okay.]

It's hard, wanting to help someone who did something like that. Hurt you really badly. I guess I kind of feel like a jerk for not wanting to help him just because I screwed up before.

Comments

[irishrotter]

Really. Then why bring it before the Barge?

[myresponsibility]

I don't know. I've just been thinking about it a lot, since the network freaked out.

[irishrotter]

Thinking about the fact that you're here to profit off of someone who's experienced something you can't even imagine?

[myresponsibility]

No. About how my best friend murdered my girlfriend because he thought I didn't want to save his life.

[irishrotter]

And you're here to take it back, I take it.

[myresponsibility]

Yeah, I guess.

[irishrotter]

And have you ever died yourself?

[myresponsibility]

No.

[irishrotter]

Then I'm sorry to hear about your troubles, but the point still stands.

[myresponsibility]

You really think I don't know that?

[He sounds more upset than angry, because that's all he's really taking away from that. He'd been feeling crappy before, but this conversation's just kind of making everything seem heavier, worse, harder to deal with.]

[irishrotter]

I think if you really did, you wouldn't be rubbing it in their faces.

[myresponsibility]

I'm not, jeez, I said this was messed up. We come here for the wrong reasons.

[irishrotter]

Maybe you do.

[myresponsibility]

Maybe.