023 | VIDEO

[myresponsibility]

I've been working for like, months on trying to figure out how the network works and if it's possible to send messages home, or between universes or whatever, and then stuff like this happens and it makes me feel like it's gonna be another looong six months before I get anywhere close to figuring out why packing peanuts and gum are what's "powering" the comm. [He sounds totally good natured about it, like he's just kidding around because he is.]

Anyway. This is Peter Parker, your friendly neighborhood... you know.

[Or maybe you don't, whatever works for him.]

If anyone's out there from back home, hey.

Comments

[jjonahjerkface]

PARKER! What do you think this is, a charity function for unprepared college idiots who can't dress themselves? Where are my pictures? You have a cell phone, don't you? Course you do! All you kids do all day, play with your angry twittering birds and your candy crushers. You wanna work for me ever again? My office: five minutes ago!

[myresponsibility]

Uh, sorry, do I know you?

[jjonahjerkface]

No, the question here is do I know you. You calling yourself Peter Parker? You don't look a damn thing like him! You're too tall. Too...everything. I don't know, I don't look at the kid all that often. Kind of pathetic, to be honest.

Now listen: either you're lying or he is, and I don't care which! All I want are the pictures of Spider-man promised to me by one Peter Parker, on my desk, so we can go to print!

What d'yah think of this: "Masked Menace, Nightmare of New York"? I love alliteration. Makes it all sing!

[myresponsibility]

Hey, woah, wait, Spider-Man isn't a menace!

[jjonahjerkface]

Yeah, yeah, kid, that's great. What is it with you Peter Parkers all singing the same tune? If I print that Spider-Man's a menace, then guess what? He's a menace! But he sells papers, and he sells them quicker when we've got shots of him trashing the city. You get me my pictures: when I want your opinion for the editorials, I'll fire you and hire someone I agree with!

[myresponsibility]

Yeah, I can't get you shots of him trashing the city because that's not what he does. And I mean, call me crazy? But I kinda feel like people publishing whatever they want without caring about the facts is kinda what's wrong with the media.

[jjonahjerkface]

Fine. Fine. You're right.

You're crazy.

There, happy? What the hell are you still standing around for? Don't you have some pictures to get taken? Or maybe there's another city-wide paper with our readership you've got hiring you?

Either way, I don't care. Either get me the shots or don't come around here sniffing for work again. Your work's amateur but there's no one else I've found who can even track down the damn webslinger fast enough!

Pssh. Parkers. Never know when to shut up when you want them to, never give an intelligent response when you want them to talk.

[myresponsibility]

Maybe I'm his obnoxious cousin?

[jjonahjerkface]

You're asking me? What do I know about your crazy name-recycling family? Get the hell out of here! You get paid when you bring me my pictures!

[myresponsibility]

I'll pass it along when I see him.

[strangehistorian]

I would be interested in hearing your results either way...

[myresponsibility]

Can do.